5 Problems Every Couple Faces (And How to Work Through Them)
No matter how strong a couple is, every relationship hits its rough patches. My work as a sex therapist in Washington, DC and Northern Virginia, I see time and time again that even the most loving partners run into some of the same core issues. The good news? You're not alone, and most of these challenges are totally normal—and workable. Here are five common problems every couple faces, and some guidance on how to move through them together.
1. Communication Breakdowns
Let’s be honest—most fights aren’t really about what they seem to be. “You never do the dishes” might really mean, “I don’t feel seen or supported.” When communication patterns fall into criticism, defensiveness, or shutdown, connection suffers.
What helps: Learn to slow down and name what's really going on underneath the surface. Practice active listening (not just waiting for your turn to talk), and get curious rather than combative. A couples therapist can help you build these muscles.
2. Mismatched Desire
One of the most common struggles couples bring to sex therapy is the classic mismatched libido—when one partner wants sex more frequently than the other. This can leave both people feeling rejected, pressured, or confused.
What helps: Instead of asking, “How often should we be having sex?” try asking, “What does intimacy look like for us right now?” Desire ebbs and flows with life. The key is to stay connected, talk openly about needs, and make room for creativity.
3. Conflicting Needs for Closeness and Space
One partner may crave more closeness, while the other needs more independence. This isn’t a sign of incompatibility—it’s a dynamic that many couples navigate throughout their relationship.
What helps: Recognize that both needs are valid. Creating routines of connection (like regular check-ins or rituals of affection) can help the partner who wants more closeness, while also giving breathing room to the one who values space.
4. Unresolved Resentment
Grudges build up when hurt feelings go unspoken. Over time, small slights can turn into walls that keep partners from emotional and sexual intimacy.
What helps: Resentment is often a sign that something important needs attention. Instead of letting it fester, try using “I feel…” statements to express your experience without blaming. Therapy can help you process and release old hurts.
5. Changes in Identity and Roles
Whether it’s becoming parents, changing careers, or simply aging, couples evolve—and sometimes that evolution brings tension. You might not be the same people you were when you first fell in love. That’s okay.
What helps: Stay curious about who your partner is becoming. Make space for open-ended conversations about identity, desire, and dreams. Long-term relationships thrive when partners make room to grow together.
Final Thoughts
Every couple faces challenges—it’s part of being human and loving someone over time. The difference between couples who thrive and those who get stuck often comes down to willingness: the willingness to talk, to listen, to repair, and to grow. If you’re feeling stuck, reaching out to a sex therapist or couples counselor can be a powerful first step.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
If you and your partner are struggling with communication, intimacy, or emotional connection, know that you’re not alone. I specialize in sex therapy and relationship counseling for couples across the DC metro area, including Arlington, Vienna, Reston, and Fairfax.
Let’s work together to create a relationship that feels connected, honest, and alive.
📍 Serving clients in-person in Washington, DC and Northern Virginia, or virtually throughout the DMV.
Contact me today to schedule your initial consultation.
