5 Tips on How to Avoid the Trap of Lesbian Death Bed
While I’m sure many wish that the curse of the lesbian death bed was a myth, research shows that sex does fall off for many lesbian couples. What is lesbian death bed? It’s the term that suggests that the longer lesbian couples are together, the less they are to desire and have sex. Research shows that long-term lesbian relationships have the least amount of sex than any other couple type. But don’t despair! While lesbian death bed does have some truth to it, there are ways to avoid it. Also, remember that lesbians couples typically thrive in communication and emotional connection, much higher than other couple types, so the key is paying attention to sex as well to make sure it remains a priority.
Below are 5 tips on how to avoid lesbian death bed and keep sex a priority in your relationship with your partner.
#1 Have a Life Outside the Relationship
One of the many wonderful things about lesbian couples is that many are each other’s best friend. While that brings many means of connection the unfortunate side is that it can breed codependence and a loss of individuality.
Individuality and having differentiation from your partner is a key ingredient to keeping sex alive in a long-term relationship. When our partner becomes our main source for every role in our life, it is extremely difficult to sexualize them or access the sexual side of the relationship when best friend is the norm.
It is critical that you don’t lose yourself in your relationship and that you keep friendships, hobbies, and interests alive. It is ok to spend time away from your partner, even healthy! As long as the relationship is being prioritized, having separate interests and hobbies can do wonders to keep sexual connection alive and well.
#2 Time to Connect Outside of “Typical” Activities (go on dates)
While surveys and studies show lesbians couples do usually get quality time together, make sure that some of that quality time is reserved for going out on dates. Don’t fall in the trap of just sitting home and stuck in the same routine. Plan time to get out of the house, exploring new places, trying new things together, and tap into novel experiences that get you out of the day-to-day rut.
When we share new experiences with our partner it activates excitement and increases attraction. It allows couples to start having fun adventures and learning new things about each other. This does translate to sexual desire and greatly invigorates a slow or boring sex life.
#3 Talk About Sex, Share Fantasies, & Get Creative!
Make sure that sex is something that is continually addressed with each other. Sharing fantasies or taking time to get sexually creative with your partner is paramount for avoiding dull or disappointing sex. Lesbian couples may not have as much sex as other sexual oriented counterparts, but research shows that lesbian couples spend a longer time with each sexual encounter and that both parties are much more likely to orgasm than in heterosexual couples.
However, making sure that sexual encounters are cultivating arousal and desire are incredibly important in helping sex feel more exciting and erotic.
#4 Planned Sex and Intimacy
Life gets busy with work, kids, family obligations. While scheduling sex may seem like the antithesis of sexy, it actually does work. Instead of the word “scheduling” use the word “planning.” Planning for time to be sexual allows many women to be in the head space for sex to occur, rather than just springing it on them. But with that being said make sure that the following is happening.
#5 Don’t Forget the Buildup
Before any planned sexual encounter there needs to be “build up.” That means flirting with your spouse, sending sexy messages, pics, or texts, or increasing physical touch the day or two before leads to feelings of anticipation, fondness, and excitement. This sets the tone for sex to be erotic and for both people to feel receptive to each others sexual advances. If you just continue talking to each other as roommates and going over chores and responsibilities prior to sex that is highly unlikely to put anyone in the mood to explore sexually and it definitely does’t facilitate pleasure.
Final Thoughts
This is just the start of how to avoiding lesbian death bed. Start implementing these things with your partner to start improving your sex life today. If things still feel that they aren’t progressing to where sex is happening more fluidly then contact a local sex therapist and start addressing any underlying issues that may be creating obstacles to sex and intimacy.
