Unlocking the Mystery of Dating Apps and First Dates: Insider Tips and Tricks to Set You up For Dating Success
In the world of convenient dating, dating apps have proved to be the most user friendly for busy modern day life. But there’s a dark side to them that also create both unrealistic expectations as well as casually disregarding people by a quick glance.
While much of life is based off first impressions, dating apps even more so. The apps also tend to heavily favor women and men are left with little interaction if any at all. Most of the apps set up a catastrophic way for people to base attraction towards and make dating more like an advertisement to sell or market yourself in a way that isn’t real.
With that being said, apps are a necessary evil and when used well can get you out and on dates. Here are some tips and tricks on how to start succeeding on the apps and start making dates successful.
Creating a Successful Dating Profile
It’s really important that you keep your dating profile short and sweet. People need to get to know you with in a minute. Almost think of it as an “elevator pitch of yourself.” You have to show yourself, a little of your personality and hobbies, but remember most people don’t want to read a novel. Especially when they can swipe past you in 0.5 seconds. You need to be able to succinctly let people know how you are, your interests, hobbies, etc. Humor can be great but make sure to keep it in small doses because people do want to meet the authentic you.
Dating Profile Photos
The photos are incredibly important. 90% if not more of the judgements that are made are based off your photos. So that means put some thought in them and have multiples photos. Your primary profile picture should be a clear picture of you. It should be a portrait chest-high photo of you smiling at the camera and in clear focus. Your other 5-6 photos should also be of you but should have a variety in them that allow potential dating partners to get to know you.
Other photos should have a full body shot of you so potential matches get an idea of what you look like, photos of you engaged in hobbies, a photo of your social life (see below for what to avoid in group photos), pictures of you with your family (if that’s the vibe you want to give off), or if you have a dog or cat baby in your life that’s a great time to have a photo with them.
Things to Avoid
Massive group photos: If you have a massive group of friends, great! But keep the group shots to a reasonable level of 4 people max. Group photos with over 4 people are overwhelming and you get lost in the shuffle and you are the whole point of your dating profile.
No photos of holding a fish you caught: This is typically for men. This is a running joke on the internet among women and considered a turn off.
Out of focus or poorly lit photos: Remember these photos are basically an advertisement, they need to in focus and look good.
Avoid too many selfies: A profile of all selfies typically isn’t getting many hits. No one can see your body, it’s really hard for someone to get an idea of you as as person, and it’s generally not a great way to show people who you are.
Avoid hats and sunglasses in too many photos. This is the same principle as the selfie. People need to know what you look like.
No filters of cat eyes or stars above your head: No photo should distort how you look or give you features that aren’t yours. These profiles are typically screened and people swipe left.
Securing a First Date and Knocking it Out of the Park
Ok, so you did it and got a first date off the app, now what?
Now it’s time to have a great first date, show off the best sides of yourself, and have a little fun.
Do’s and Don’ts of a First Date
Do: Be confident. Confidence is very different from cockiness. Confidence can be with a smile, your posture, eye contact, and the way you carry yourself. Being confident is easier said than done but potential partners want to see that you’re ok with who you are and you like yourself. Nothing can be a bigger turn off than someone who reeks of desperation or it becomes very obvious this date may mean a lot more to them than it does to you. So make sure you’re coming in as relaxed as you can, take pressure off, and go in with the mindset of getting to know someone and having a good time.
Don’t: Tell Your Life Story. While we very much want potential partners to get to know us, remember we’re trying to get a second date. Getting to know a persons history should happen over the course of a relationship. Unfortunately, many people come in hot and ready to take their first date through bad break ups, toxic family members, awful friendships, and everything in between….this is usually overwhelming for dates. While we want dates to get to know us, on a first date they need just enough of you that they want a second date. Let mystery unfold as you date and as connection increases sharing those parts of yourself are more appropriate. Much of the first part of dating or a relationship is an “illusion.” That doesn’t mean you’re lying about who you are but it means that you’re showing the most fun parts of yourself to keep the train moving. When dating partners get too much too fast, it’s a red flag and more dates are unlikely.
Do: Ask questions, be kind, be curious., and actually listen. Dating disasters usually happen when one person dominates the conversation. We’ve all been on that date where the person spent the entire time story telling or bragging about all their accomplishments or successes. 9 times out of 10 this is a turn off and does not yield more dates. Instead, ask your date questions, make thoughtful comments on what they’re sharing, be kind to them and curious about who they are as a person and what their interests are. Kindness and curiosity go a very long way in building connection and rapport with dating partners. Make sure you’re giving your date attention and consideration and actually listening to what they’re saying.
Don’t: Exude loneliness or desperation. While many of us may be lonely at times we really want to avoid dating if we are only doing it out of that. Desperation is a desire killer. It’s not attractive. It is incredibly important that potential partner’s see that you are someone who’s comfortable with themselves and being with themselves. Knowing that someone is ok being alone and dating us because we add to their life is incredibly different and affirming as opposed to if we feel they’re dating us because they have no life. Reconsider dating if you feel that loneliness and desperation is your only motive. That’s a time to seek other social connections, community, therapy, and take time to work on yourself.
Putting it to Practice
Now that you have tips for your dating profile and the do’s and don’t of a first date put it in practice. If you feel that lack of condense or anxiety is hindering you, reach out to a relationship therapist to start addressing these issues and embracing the authentic you. Remember that apps are not a characterization of the whole you. But they are for many a necessary evil of meeting others. Remember to consider your dating profile like your “advertisement” of who you are. Keep it short and sweet, focus on quality photos, and start going out on dates, getting to know new people, and having fun!
