What is Sex Therapy?
There seems to be a lot and I mean A LOT of confusion surrounding what sex therapy entails. Even my colleagues in the therapist field sometimes lack sufficient knowledge on what it is or when to refer clients for it. I know those in the medical field also are left confused. Just recently, one very well-meaning neurologist asked me, “Is it like, watching people have sex, and then trying to correct them?” No…..no it is definitely not that…..
In this post, I hope to shed some light on what sex therapy is but also what it isn’t.
Explaining Sex Therapy
At no point in sex therapy will you engage in sex, well at least in the therapy room. Sex therapy is not a therapist watching you, correcting you, or giving you sexual pointers while watching you have sex. Many people go to sex therapists for a range of sexual issues, including desire discrepancy between themselves and their partner, difficulty with orgasm, premature ejaculation, a history of sexual trauma impacting their current sexual life, pain, and the list can go on and on. Sex therapists work with either the individual or their relationship to help with these issues, provide education surrounding sex and sexual dysfunction, discuss the impact the issue has had on the client or their relationship, and also provide strategies and homework to help improve these issues.
Common Misconceptions About Sex Therapy
Another misconception I’ve heard is that sex therapy is just for couples or those with serious problems. Wrong again! There are many people (not just couples) who can benefit from sex therapy. As a society, we have been programmed with so much shame surrounding sex or being sexual. The media has also sent messages to us that if we’re not instantly in the mood when a sexual situation arises, there’s something wrong with us, which is NOT TRUE!
Who Does Sex Therapy Benefit?
In sex therapy, a person or couple has the space to discuss these issues. But also they can explore insecurities or talk about the shame they’ve carried around surrounding sex to help bring about healing and embracing of the sexual self. This can benefit cis heterosexual people, the LGBTQ+ community, and relationships exploring polyamory or ethical non-monogamy. Sex therapy does not just have to be resorted to because of sexual dysfunction.
What to Look for in a Sex Therapist
Considering sex therapy may seem daunting or uncomfortable. But that is going to be natural when coming to therapy to discuss a very sensitive and intimate part of your life. Sex therapy should be non-judgmental. If at any point you feel your therapist has judged you or has become uncomfortable then they are not the right sex therapist for you. When looking for a sex therapist it is essential they identify as sex-positive, have the education surrounding sex and sex therapy, and are open to all identities and orientations. It can be devastating to meet with a therapist where you feel invalidated, dismissed, or judged.
If you feel any sexual issues are causing you distress it may be time to seek out a sex therapist. Together, you can process and move through these issues. Sex therapy can offer a unique opportunity and space to discuss your sex life and how it impacts you without feeling like you’re discussing something taboo. There are solutions and strategies available to improve your sex life and sexual hangups, and hopefully help you move forward happy, confident, and satisfied.
