5 (unfortunate) Common Sex Myths
Sex is often a subject that is not sufficiently discussed or something we are educated enough about. So it is more than understandable that we have walked away with some misleading information about sex. Unfortunately, this information can often gives us thoughts like, “Am I normal?” “Is there something wrong with me?” “Am I doing it right?” It can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, or worse complete shut down from the whole sexual experience.
Here are common sex myths that are impacting people and their relationships for the worse.
Sex Myth #1
All men have a higher sex drive than women
This is false, false, and more false! In our society we have been conditioned to think that men always have a higher sex drive, women always have a lower sex drive, and men are the ones who pursue sex. Oodles of research has shown that no that’s not the case. We as humans do not always fall neatly into boxes and act accordingly based on gender.
A huge role in this is…you might have guessed it….society!
Society has been peddling the antiquated notion that men are allowed to talk about, want, and pursue sex, while women are supposed to repress that discussion and then only have sex when it’s “appropriate.” But the truth is, women want sex. They too enjoy sex and have around the same average number of sexual partners as men do.
Not only is this myth offensive to women but it hurts men too. If a man isn’t in the mood for sex or has performance issues this can lead to him feeling that that there is something wrong with him. It puts men and women in opposite arenas that only lead to feelings of diminished worth and feelings of separation.
Treat everyone as their own individual and eliminate “normal” from your vocabulary when it comes to sexual desire.
Sex Myth #2
Couples should be able to simultaneously orgasm
No, no, and just no. Yes, while simultaneous orgasm does happen it is not the gold standard that you need to reach for. Whether you’re in a hetero or same sex relationship, simultaneous orgasm is an unfair expectation. It perpetuates the heterosexual false belief that penetration leads to female partners orgasming. Yes, while there are women who orgasm through penetration, many, many women do not.
The clitoris are many women’s hubs for orgasm. I mean that’s its only function so it’s fair to say it often needs to be utilized for pleasure. However, there’s no need to limit female orgasms to the clit, but some women can orgasm anally, from skin contact, or no contact at all. Again everyone’s different! But one thing’s for sure, for many women penetration is not even coming close to their means of orgasm. Making simultaneous orgasm from penetration a long shot. So, if you and your partner are not able to simultaneously orgasm that is more than ok. Taking turns can be very erotic, bonding, and satisfying and is often needed when both parties want to orgasm.
Sex Myth #3
Planned Sex is boring
Ok, ok, so if we had told our younger selves that we would have to schedule sex with our partner we might not have thought that was sexy. But as anyone who lives in the busy world of adulthood knows, if you don’t schedule it, it often won’t happen. Kids, work, obligations, and stress, make planning for sex imperative. If our grand plan is to tap our partner’s shoulder 5 minutes after we put the kids to bed asking for sex, there’s a high probability they’re not in the mood. If you are finding it hard to find time or have the energy for sex, you need to plan it.
It is immensely helpful to go into your day knowing that sex is on the calendar. There are no surprises, child care can be planned, flirting can have already begun which is setting both you and your partner up for success. It allows both you and your partner to be on the same page about prioritizing sex and making sure that it doesn’t fall to the wayside.
Sex Myth #4
Enjoying kink means you’re a deviant or have a history of past trauma
Alright, so it’s time to stop referencing 50 Shades of Grey for our knowledge on kink. No, it does not make you a deviant, and no that doesn’t mean that you have a history of abuse or trauma.
Kink is perfectly healthy and perfectly acceptable between consenting adults. According to research, if you like anything that falls outside those society perpetuated boxes of kissing then intercourse, you are into kink. Do you enjoy spanking? That’s kink. Do you enjoy light choking? That’s kink. Do you enjoy role-play or dressing up? That too is kink. It can go further than those examples for some couples enjoying BDSM play.
Whatever you’re into it’s ok as long as you and your partner are consenting. It does not mean there is something wrong with you or your past. In fact, recent research is showing that individuals who engage in kink and BDSM have higher levels of open mindedness and a better level of communication than those who don’t practice.
So the take away, use 50 Shades of Grey for entertainment, not education.
Sex Myth #5
There is a “normal” amount of sex you should be having
I hope by the end of the blog post you walk away with one key understanding. Everyone gets to make their own normal! We have to stop comparing our sex lives with others to see if we stand up. You and your partner get to decide the amount of sex that works for you. As long as you are both satisfied then it’s not an issue.
4 times a week? Awesome!
1 time a week? Great!
Once a month? Fantastic!
Again, the key is that you’re both satisfied and it’s not leading to any issues. Again, you define what works for you and your relationship.
This is just a small portion of sex myths out there but it’s a good start to start questioning what beliefs you’ve been carrying about sex and do they need to be challenged?
