Passing down Trauma

Trauma….it’s a loaded word and often overused especially on TikTok.

But that’s not to understate the impact that true trauma can have on someone.

Trauma has often been thought of a major accident, an incidence with severe violence, or assault.

While those are very big and real occurrences of trauma there’s often another trauma we don’t talk as often about…..generational trauma.

Generational trauma is trauma passed down from generation to generation. Great grandparent to grandparent, Grandparent to parent, parent to child, etc.

It can encapsulate assault, violence, or abuse however it can extend further than that with depression, anxiety, suicide, high expectations of achievement, perfectionism, or strict political or religious beliefs.

A common example I often see, especially in the DC surrounding area is high expectations of achievement. When I worked with children and teenagers I would see the toll that these expectations were having on them. One teen I worked with received her first B on a Calculus exam and was seriously contemplating suicide. She was sure that her parents would never get over it and that her chances at an elite university were over.

Even with the adults I treat this theme continues to show up in their family life, work, and personal expectations. Many come to me depressed or anxious and explaining that they are not happy and their partner and children are not faring any better.

Many adults who I have treated have had to actively work on “reframing” their expectations for themselves and begin separating their wants/desires/needs/learned behaviors from their family of origin. Others, who have a past of abuse have to actively work to reduce that tendency in themselves and their interactions with their family.

If you feel there is a generational trauma impacting you and your relationships seek help. Start discussing what spoken or unspoken expectations or traumas you were raised with and start honestly evaluating how they are showing up in your life or impacting you and your relationships.

And please do not constantly beat yourself up in the process. Use your time in therapy to give yourself grace, be honest, vulnerable, and open to change. Therapy is often learning new ways to live but a huge part is UN-learning toxic or abusive inherited tendencies holding you back.

Here’s the great news….generational trauma can stop with you!

It can be painful and hard work but if you’re willing to do it your future generations will continue to benefit.