How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation
30% percent of men (ages 19-59) are impacted by premature ejaculation. It is easily the most common sexual dysfunction in that age range.
What is premature ejaculation?
Premature ejaculation is defined as reaching climax in a minute or less. This often brings up anxiety, shame, and stress for men and their relationships. But the good news is that it is very treatable!
Ways to Fix Premature Ejaculation:
Just Allow Yourself to Orgasm
Allow yourself to orgasm quickly and then have sex again. Just because you’ve had an orgasm doesn’t mean that the fun is over. Take that time to then explore your partner, engage in more foreplay and erotic activity, until you’re ready to go again. Typically, the second orgasm is slower than the first and allows penetrative sex to last longer.
Always Consider Your Partner’s Pleasure
Never leave your partner “high and dry.” This means that don’t walk away from the sexual situation ending with a premature ejaculation. Take that time to explore her or him in sensual ways allowing them to experience pleasure, closeness, and orgasm in the way that feels good to them. If sex is ending because there was a premature orgasm, it’s time to expand your definition of sex and start exploring and thinking outside the box.
Engage in mindful sex
Mindfulness is a term that’s caught on in recent years, it is incredibly helpful in managing anxiety as well as teaching oneself how to be more present. This can absolutely be implemented in the bedroom. Mindfulness can be about not only being present but allowing openness and exploration around other body parts besides the ones we typically think of (penis, vagina, breasts, butt)….try erotic massage, different touches both soft, smooth, powerful, and explore all parts of the body before jumping to penetration. Work on being present and open, and use that time to tune into different sensation of pleasure for you and your partner.
Sex Therapy
Sometimes the issue is deeper and more systemic in nature and it may be time to go to sex therapy to address it. In sex therapy, you learn to openly address your anxiety, stress, and feelings about premature ejaculation and start reframing and redefining sex and the importance of penetration. If your partner is being affected by the issue and they’re comfortable ask them to join in therapy to discuss ways to address the issue together to take the pressure off and start enjoying sex again
Medical Interventions
Sometimes medical interventions are a step to consider. Low doses of SSRI’s often help the issue and slow down orgasm. Also, topical anesthetics are available in creams and sprays that allow more numbness around the penile area without diminishing the sensations for their partner.
Remember Pleasure, not Performance
In overcoming premature ejaculation, keep in mind that sex should always be about pleasure and not performance. Understanding and redefining sex can enhance your sex life as well as help you overcome the anxiety and shame that can come with premature ejaculation. Broadening and expanding the definition of sex to incorporate pleasure as the central theme is always a worthy goal. In my work with clients that is a large shift we work on attaining to help overcome sexual dysfunction issues and embrace sex with confidence and comfort.
