In Need of a Change?…Things to Consider When Evaluating Leaving Your Relationship

Sometimes, the hardest part of a relationship isn’t knowing whether you love someone—it’s realizing that you’ve changed, and so has the relationship. You may find yourself standing at a crossroads, feeling a deep pull toward something new but uncertain of how to move forward. The decision to leave a relationship is never easy, and it’s often filled with conflicting emotions. It’s not about avoiding discomfort, but about honoring your own growth and needs. In this space, we’ll explore how to thoughtfully navigate these difficult decisions with clarity, compassion, and courage—because choosing to move on is not about giving up, but about giving yourself the chance to live a life that feels true to who you are becoming.

Here are some guidelines of how to thoughtfully consider how you need to move forward.

Take a Step Back to Reflect on What You Really Want

You’ve already identified a major feeling: you want a change in your relationship status. But it might help to break this down even further. What specifically do you want your life to look like? What’s drawing you to wanting to leave your marriage and move away—what do you hope to find on the other side? It could be a sense of freedom, peace, or a more fulfilling environment. Understanding the deeper "why" can help you feel more confident in your decision.

Don’t Rush the Decision

It’s tempting to act quickly when you feel like you need a change, but sometimes slowing down can give you more clarity and make the process feel less overwhelming. Give yourself permission to explore your feelings without putting too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out immediately.

Financial Planning & Independence

The fear about financial stability is huge, and it's wise to think through the practical steps you need to take to move forward. If you're not already financially independent, it might help to create a clear financial plan. Start by assessing your current finances—what are your expenses, debts, and income? How much would it cost to live on your own? How long might it take to build up savings for a move or an apartment?

Some people also start with a “trial” period—living independently on a smaller scale or in a less expensive situation to test the waters, so you can feel more secure before making the bigger leap.

Evaluate the Relationship

If you're leaning towards leaving your marriage, it’s worth asking yourself whether you’ve tried to address the issues with your partner or whether you feel there's no way forward. Have you had conversations with them about your feelings? Is there room for change, or do you feel like you're growing apart in ways that can’t be reconciled?

If leaving feels like the best option, consider what the logistics would look like in terms of separation—this might include housing, custody if there are kids, dividing finances, etc. It’s often helpful to have a clear plan for these practical aspects before you take the next step.

Trust Your Gut, but Seek Support

It sounds like your gut is telling you something needs to change. While it's important to listen to that, it's also really helpful to talk it through with someone you trust—whether it’s a close friend, a therapist, or a coach. They can help you process the emotions that might be clouding your thinking, or just offer a sense of clarity.

A therapist can also be invaluable if you're feeling torn between your desires and your fears. They can help you work through your feelings about both the relationship and the transition you’re thinking of making.

Small Steps Towards Change

If the idea of making a dramatic life change feels overwhelming, consider taking small steps that move you in the direction of what you want. That might mean saving a bit more money each month, looking into new job opportunities or locations, or having open conversations with your partner about how you’re feeling. Small changes often lead to bigger ones over time, and you might find yourself feeling more secure as you take one step at a time.

Consider the Emotional Impact of Your Decisions

Leaving a marriage and making a big life change can also have an emotional toll—grief, loneliness, or even guilt can surface. That’s okay, and you don’t have to carry those feelings alone. Being prepared emotionally can help you make decisions that align with your true needs and make the transition smoother.