Is Sex Addiction Real?
Sex addiction is a hot and debated topic in the sex therapy field. It leaves many asking and wondering, “is it real?” While the answer deserves consideration, it’s usually more complicated than a simple “yes” or “no.” There are many questions to about sex addiction and the treatments available. Let’s address some of them.
Is Sex Addiction a Disease?
The short answer, no. While sex, masturbation, and porn use can become problematic, when it does, it’s usually deeper than just sex. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) details that there isn’t enough evidence to support sex or porn addiction as a mental disorder that can be diagnosed as a mental illness. They go further to pose that current treatment methods for sex addiction are not adequately informed by human sexuality knowledge.
So to break this down in layman’s terms, when sex or porn use does become problematic there may be something deeper going on and it is not an official disease. Examples of reasons for compulsive sexual behaviors can your background, experiencing depression, anxiety, stress, or loneliness just to name a few. But this can become complicated, because sometimes high porn use, high masturbation rates, or desire for frequent sex just comes down to having a high sex drive. Regardless, this becomes an issue when people feel guilt, shame, loss of control, or have their personal and relationship lives impacted.
When does sex become a problem?
There are some clients who have sought out my services and said they feel “addicted” to sex or porn. However, when I evaluate them based on certain criteria and questions they don’t meet the standards for problematic or compulsive sexual behavior. However, some do meet the criteria behind “hypersexuality.”
Hypersexual is a term that encompasses “out of control” sexual behaviors. One thing to really look at is if you feel distressed by your sex or porn use. Even though we’re not using the term “addicted” to sex or porn use, if you feel an intense amount of guilt, shame, or distress about your use, talking to a therapist can be immensely helpful.
Here are some questions worth addressing when trying to evaluate if sex is a problem in your life.
Do you feel out of control with your sexual behaviors?
Become very distressed when you can’t engage in your sexual behaviors?
Prioritize sex or masturbation over responsibilities or fail to meet responsibilities due to sexual activity?
Feel intense guilt or shame about sexual behaviors?
Engage in risky sex behaviors?
Are you relationships being negatively impacted by your sexual behaviors?
While sex addiction is not an official diagnosis, these questions can provide clarity as to if sex is something that is causing difficulty in your life.
How do you treat “sex addiction” or compulsive sexual behaviors?
Therapy
If you feel like sex has become something that is causing distress in your life you should seek out a sex therapist in your area. Make sure your sex therapist identifies a “sex positive” and that they have the education and background around what you’re experiencing.
Sex therapy is not solely just a place to talk about and treat sex. Sex therapists are also trained in processing and treating other issues that may be impacting you and working with you on resolving them.
Common treatments are Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), couples work, or psychodynamic interventions where you process the past and find productive ways to heal, change behavior, and move forward. In therapy, you can learn more about what triggers compulsive behavior and find healthy strategies to cope and deal when triggered.
Therapy can also be a space for you to discuss any shame, guilt, or problems you’re experiencing in your life due to compulsive sex. One thing I would caution, is that your therapist should provide a “judgement free zone” where they meet you with understanding and normalize your issues and concerns. I have met with clients who have said they tried therapy, even with a sex therapist, and they were met with judgement, lack of understanding, and were shamed around their sexual issues. If this ever happens, run, don’t walk out of that session. You deserve to be heard, understood, and met from a place of acceptance.
Medication
Seeking out a medical provider can also be helpful to see if they can prescribe medications to help to treat symptoms. While there is no official sex addiction medication, providers do often prescribe SSRI’s or Mood Stabilizers when sex has become difficult to control.
Getting Support
Hypersexuality or compulsive sex is a complicated topic but regardless of what you call it, if sex has become problematic and is causing you distress reach out to a professional to get the help you deserve. No one should have to feel anguish alone. Help and relief is available.
