Tips for Dating After Your Divorce

If you’ve ever been through a painful break up you’ll often hear yourself saying, “I’m never dating again.” This visceral reaction is a common one but for many it’s short-lived. Then whether it is curiosity, loneliness, or desire people find themselves entering the world of dating once again.

While this is perfectly normal and healthy, here are some tips and guidelines to think about before getting in too deep with someone new.

Are you Noticing You’re Drawn to a “Type”?

Many people feel they have a type, whether it’s athletic, funny, well-read, insert your preference here. But sometimes we are drawn to a certain type of person or dynamic that is not the healthiest. We don’t do this on purpose. But we do it because it’s familiar.

Unfortunately, familiarity often feels safe even when it’s exactly the opposite. Sometimes the personalities we’re drawn to are not healthy for us. They can negatively impact us and hold us back. Before jumping back into dating right after a divorce, take time to process your past relationship or relationships and see if there were “red flags” you were drawn to, missed, or actually saw but decided to proceed anyway. This can be incredibly helpful when dating someone new in that you will then possess the insight to make different choices.

What are your reasons for dating again?

Sometimes our reasons for dating again, fresh after a break up, aren’t always the best. Many times choices are fueled by anxiety of being alone or feeling like it’s a “competition” to get back out there before your ex. Evaluating your reasons for dating, as well as the headspace you’re in is always beneficial. It allows you to see if you genuinely want to date, and what your objectives are in dating (casual fun, ready for a relationship, or even just wanting sex). Clarifying your wants allows you to communicate better with your future dating partners and also helps you in your dating choices.

If the anxiety of being alone or feeling panic about moving on is fueling your reasoning for dating again, it may be time to slow down, sit with your discomfort, and start pouring time/energy/love into yourself.

That brings me to the next tip.

Put Time Into You and the Things that Bring you Joy

When people have been in a relationship for a very long time, sometimes they lose their identity as a person. I often hear people say things like, “If I”m not Todd’s wife, who am I?” or “I don’t even know what I like to do for fun and fulfillment.”

Being single is a wonderful time to rediscover you. It is a time to start engaging in activities that you find fun, as well as learning how to be comfortable not having a person. Being single allows you to start the process of exploring new adventures and experiences that bring you joy. If you are constantly jumping from one relationship right into another, there can be parts of your identity that you never get to discover or learn about.

Final Thoughts

Being single is not a burden and it does not make you an outcast. It can be incredibly fulfilling and freeing. Taking time to process, evaluate, and heal before deciding to date can be a truly helpful process that gets you to a life you are proud to be living ,as well as embracing yourself in a whole new way.